three-mo

today's a great day apart from some blank. unhappy moments are not worth mentioning, but i have to say, i regretted. just so remorseful.
to think that the bad moments will just fade and that tomorrow, the sun will shine brighter than before and things will start looking up again. see, that's me. it's okay.

my brother came home at about 10am. he's serving his NS term now, in a few days time, he'd have completed 1 year of this harsh life. his rare appearance at home makes me miss him badly sometimes. especially when i needed company.anyway, i didn't get a chance to mug today as we spent the day outside, playing and of course catching up. that was the happy part. then comes the parting part. somehow i just had this thought of locking him up at home, just so i could see him everyday. this sounds silly, man. but i let him off 'cos he'll be back on sunday.

i just realised, there're some things which i just can't afford to lose.

karma and me

this is the 7th week of school. first week of school wasn’t that bad. i kept to my timetable and wasn’t really late for any classes. but things have changed since the second week of school. skipping cell bio lectures, appearing late(sometimes) for some classes and stuff – this is my routine, seriously. speaking about skipping lectures, i use to skip last semester’s math lecture. and now, it’s cell bio. i’m sorry that I don’t feel sorry for my behaviour. don’t blame me. blame the flubby guy who like to spam our mailbox with apologizing emails, if not, reviews of what we or rather he/they covered in that week. he apologizes many times saying he has given us the wrong information. how smart right. but, i feel that karma is going to come back to bite me in the backside and all the disrespect i put forth to my cell bio lecturer will come back to own me...someday.

breakthrough

I can't believe i went to school just to tap my card for attendance for CBO and went home after that. spent less than an hour in school. and instead of mugging at home, i went to see the doctor to seek some advice and after that a 2hr walk and talk. not a bad thing i should say 'cos i've already made up my mind. sad to say, i had to exchange the good advices for a jab on my left arm. actually my hepatitis B immunization is due. and so...
i saw the needle slowly being injected and hey, i just realised that i felt less pain looking at the fine thin needle than looking away and pretending nothing's happening.

actually i've overcomed the phobia of needles/injections just today. you might think i'm nuts to be afraid of an ant bite but a few years back, a nurse who everyone claims is specialized in doing blood test, performed one on me. due to my super fine veins, my main doctor couldn't do it thus sending me to that specialized nurse 5 stories above the lobby. she drawed blood from my left arm, but failed. smiliarly for the right. and once more for the left, then the right. that was a total freak-out incident for me. its a total of 4 times she POKED me with that not-so-fine needle. honestly, it was tough drawing blood from my veins, so when the blood was seen in the syringe, i was kinda relieved. but horror struck when i saw the reverse - the blood gt sucked back. actually during the 4 times she tried, there was this reverse, just that no blood was seen. i think the nurse got quite scared that i might sue her or something, so she decided to use the "baby" method - butterfly, whereby the needle in injected at the back of my palm and she'd pump the blood just like the sphignomanometer. well, she'd have saved so much time and horror if she had done the butterfly method at the very beginning.
so yes, the breakthrough after 6 years and i'm feeling free at last.

just a side of me

He's right. I’m not as violent. but i'm still me. the loud, diplomatic, straight-talking, go-getter. but much less violent. don't know how to put it. Gah.
lately, i've this feeling that i've become a super duper deep thinker. couple of days ago, many things happen and it set me seriously thinking about life. And yes, to cope with 'em all, optimism speaks. What more.

no doubt, i'm just as happy 'cos I’ve decided to view all these matters from the optimistic point of view. Guess i’m into taking on this outlook. dreadful experiences don’t always leave you forlorn. Well for me at least. it makes me more serious and makes me think even deeper into life. Nevertheless i’ll still remain bright and breezy.

Gheez, I sound so not me. Morphed? Probably. the reasons are indefinite.
Alright. for now, back to work.

2 ful-s

right now i’m feeling two ful-s. I’m fearful. I’m fearful of making mistakes. I can’t sort out the twists and turns I’ve created in my life. I’ve messed it up, which may affect the people around me. – my greatest fear. I don’t have the courage to admit my wrongs, but I do try changing and its tough. I’m fearful of making the wrong choices in life. Doing the don’t-s. those that might or will cause the greatest impact in my life. I’m fearful I’ll lose my friends or close ones one day. I fear.

But I’m thankful. i’m thankful for the 2 very important friends I have. one who’s there all the time for the laughter and the pain. the other for the blabbering and nuts, plus the help with my blog =). i'm thankful for my friends. i'm thankful for my family who loves and provides me more than I deserve and need. I’m thankful for all who made my day and life. I’m thankful for the people who believe in me even when I don’t myself. i’m thankful for all. I’m thankful.

revival

i've planned to give blogging a kick-start once again.
this blog is gonna last long. i promise. it shall not be abandoned like my other 5 accounts with a couple of blogs in each. blog abuse i know.
reason being, i don't know how to operate this super chim stuff in the past and present. but thanks to Ting Wei, my blog's flies for the last time. once more it fails, and i'm gonna rip blogging.

pen my thoughts tomorrow. for now, slumber off.